Tools for Parents
Tools to Cope with the Cancellation of Summer Camp and Other Disappointments
This has not been an easy season. We hope this resource can help you navigate this loss and help you support your children, and yourself, through what may be a difficult time.
Supporting young children begins with understanding that everyone’s needs are different. Factors like age-specific maturity and whether or not they have been to camp before will affect how each child receives the news and can guide the way you tell them and comfort them.
This resource can guide you and your family in ongoing discussions with children during the COVID-19 pandemic. It offers specific language you can use when responding to children about the heartbreaking news that they will not be able to attend camp or other planned programming this summer.
At any age, taking the opportunity to pray with and for your child can be beneficial. One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 46 and we spent a lot of time in it in the summer of 2019:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
Remind them that God and that you are with them, even in the fear and disappointment.
Parenting Roles Based on Your Child’s Age
For children of all ages, the greatest gifts we can give as parents are to listen to them and to provide validation. Resist the urge to “fix” the situation or problem-solve for them, as it will leave children feeling unsupported and fear that you do not think they can manage things on their own.
When they’re uncomfortable or upset, kids need empathy more than anything else. Showing them that you feel for them and providing assurance that you will help them through this challenging time will often be all they need to get through times of uncertainty.
How to Talk to Elementary School-Aged Children
Kids of this age need information shared with them with few words that are direct and to the point. Every time you have a conversation with your child about a difficult topic, you are helping your child to grow and learn, and with children of this age, parents need to be in charge and direct the conversation.
It is helpful to remember that words are not always an elementary-aged child’s best friend, and children of this age cannot always express how they are feeling. Keep in mind that behavior is communication, and often, you can determine how a child is tolerating the information you’ve shared by watching their behavior both during and afterward – and then asking them about it without judgment. You might say:
Be sure that once your child begins talking, you stop talking, giving them the opportunity to share what’s on their mind. Feel proud of yourself that you got your child to express their feelings!
Here are some things you might say to elementary school-age children who were planning to return to camp this summer or participate in other programs they've done in the past. We've left blank spaces where you would personalize your language to your family's experiences and plans:
Here are some things you might say to elementary-aged children who would've been attending summer camp or other programs for the first time:
Teens and tweens need for information to be conveyed to them in an honest and frank manner. By allowing yourself to have a difficult conversation with your child, you are strengthening your relationship with them, as well as their ability to work through conflict and challenge.
The conversation should be collaborative, with your sharing the information and then following the lead of your teen. Teens may be interested in talking about the situation all at once or may need time to process and then revisit.
Remember that behavior is communication, and often you can tell how your teen is tolerating the information you are sharing by watching their behavior both during and after the conversation. It’s important to remember, too, that teens often need time and space in order to fully engage in a conversation after receiving difficult information.
At this age, peer relationships are also very important, and your teens may want to talk with their friends before they talk with you. You can help support their camp/program friendships – in the time they need them most – by suggesting they connect with their friends to talk about the situation.
Some statements that might be helpful are:
Here are some things you might say to middle and high school-aged children:
Self-Care Reminders for Parents & Guardians
Jesus Is Always with Us: Even to the end of the age, Jesus is always with us. It’s a great comfort to know nothing can separate us from His love. Especially when events are beyond our control, it’s wonderful to have a mighty God as our refuge and trust. Spending time with Jesus in prayer and in the Word, especially as a family, demonstrates His presence in our lives.
Allow Yourself to Feel: You too may have many feelings about Camp being canceled. Allow yourself to be angry, worried, sad, disappointed, or even relieved. Focus on giving yourself what you need to manage stress, rather than seeking to eliminate your feelings altogether.
Give Yourself Permission: Give yourself permission to unplug from the news, social media, and Zoom. You need time to refuel now more than ever. Also, give yourself permission to be imperfect. This is hard stuff and no one has a road map.
Stay in the Moment: Staying in the moment and resisting the temptation to solve all of the big picture problems will help you feel a sense of control. Remember, we are all in this together. You have others to turn to, to learn from, and whom you can also support.
Take Care of YOU: Take care of your needs so that you can take care of your child. Take deep breaths, take walks, and give yourself a break. Think about other coping skills you have used in the past and what has worked for you in challenging times.
Enjoy Creation: It’s refreshing to be in nature and appreciate the majesty of God’s creation. Take a moment to go for a nature walk or hike. Observe the magnificent design and beautiful color displayed for us to see in flowers, animals, and trees. Or, lay out under the stars at night and consider our place in the entire universe. The Creator who made all these things also made you. God provides and cares for the His creation—especially the people in it!
Be Patient: Be patient and compassionate with yourself. There is no way to be a perfect parent. Be kind to yourself, allowing your feelings, whatever they may be.
Be Mindful: Spiritual practices like praying and meditating on God’s Word can help you restore cognitive balance and help you focus on gratitude. Praying the Psalms is a great place to start.
Control What You Can: Stress can take a toll on your physical wellness. Help yourself manage this stressful situation by making sure you are eating well, sleeping enough, hydrating, and exercising. Taking good care of your body will help you adapt to stress and reduce the effect of emotions like anxiety or depression.
Ask for What You Need: Ask yourself: What do I need? Then ask others for what you need. Ask questions of the Camp leadership team to help you understand the decision so you can better explain it to your child and cope with it yourself.
It Will Get Better—Way Better! Our world is not a perfect place because it’s fallen and sinful. Remind your child that through Christ, God has a plan to make everything new. The cross and empty tomb remind us that Christ is a victorious King. On the day of His return, we will finally experience a new heaven and a new earth! What will it be like? There will be no more sickness or death, only a perfect paradise for God and His people to be together forever.
Reach Out: Process your feelings with other adults. Use your support networks to help support you in ways that work for you. If you are concerned about the duration, intensity, or frequency of your feelings, please reach out to a mental health professional in your area.
Special Note: Be mindful of what your child is overhearing. Your feelings are valid, but your child might be confused or upset if they overhear you. Children also might stifle their own emotional responses if they think it will upset their parents: for example, not crying about Camp in front of you, if they think it will upset you.
"Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." - Psalm 25:4-5
This has not been an easy season. We hope this resource can help you navigate this loss and help you support your children, and yourself, through what may be a difficult time.
Supporting young children begins with understanding that everyone’s needs are different. Factors like age-specific maturity and whether or not they have been to camp before will affect how each child receives the news and can guide the way you tell them and comfort them.
This resource can guide you and your family in ongoing discussions with children during the COVID-19 pandemic. It offers specific language you can use when responding to children about the heartbreaking news that they will not be able to attend camp or other planned programming this summer.
At any age, taking the opportunity to pray with and for your child can be beneficial. One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 46 and we spent a lot of time in it in the summer of 2019:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
Remind them that God and that you are with them, even in the fear and disappointment.
Parenting Roles Based on Your Child’s Age
For children of all ages, the greatest gifts we can give as parents are to listen to them and to provide validation. Resist the urge to “fix” the situation or problem-solve for them, as it will leave children feeling unsupported and fear that you do not think they can manage things on their own.
When they’re uncomfortable or upset, kids need empathy more than anything else. Showing them that you feel for them and providing assurance that you will help them through this challenging time will often be all they need to get through times of uncertainty.
- For elementary school-aged children, be the director: You need a plan of what to say and how to say it. Anticipate what questions your children might have and what responses you might give.
- For middle school-aged children, be the tour guide: You need to lead but can also change course, depending on your child’s response and tolerance for the conversation.
- For high school-aged children, be the torch-passer: More is less with this age, so share the information and then pass the torch to your children to let them lead the conversation while you listen.
How to Talk to Elementary School-Aged Children
Kids of this age need information shared with them with few words that are direct and to the point. Every time you have a conversation with your child about a difficult topic, you are helping your child to grow and learn, and with children of this age, parents need to be in charge and direct the conversation.
It is helpful to remember that words are not always an elementary-aged child’s best friend, and children of this age cannot always express how they are feeling. Keep in mind that behavior is communication, and often, you can determine how a child is tolerating the information you’ve shared by watching their behavior both during and afterward – and then asking them about it without judgment. You might say:
- “I notice you are stomping your feet a lot, and that isn’t like you.”
- “I see your eyes are tearing up, and I wonder if that means you are sad?”
Be sure that once your child begins talking, you stop talking, giving them the opportunity to share what’s on their mind. Feel proud of yourself that you got your child to express their feelings!
Here are some things you might say to elementary school-age children who were planning to return to camp this summer or participate in other programs they've done in the past. We've left blank spaces where you would personalize your language to your family's experiences and plans:
- “It’s hard when you don’t get to do what you thought you’d be doing.”
- “I’m so sorry that you won’t get to experience _____ because I know you love it.”
- “I know you will miss _____, and I am always here to talk with you about it.”
- “We will work together to fill your time this summer with activities that make you happy.”
- “I know you’re sad, and I’ll do everything I can to help you to feel better.”
- “It’s normal to feel sad about this; I am sad for you, too.”
- "Everybody at _____ cares so much about everyone being safe and healthy, and this summer it will be too difficult to keep everyone safe.”
- “We will keep talking about _____ because it’s so important to us and so we don’t forget all the wonderful things about it.”
- “_____ is such a special place, and everyone is so disappointed because so many people love it and will miss it.”
- “I know it doesn’t feel good, but I also know that there will be a time when you feel better.”
- “It’s hard to imagine that this feeling will pass, and I hope you are OK.”
- “This is such a loss, and I’m so sorry.”
- “Sometimes when things are hard, it’s okay to give yourself permission not to think about it for a little bit. How about we don’t think about _____ not happening again until after dinner…?”
Here are some things you might say to elementary-aged children who would've been attending summer camp or other programs for the first time:
- “I’m so sorry this won’t be the summer you get to experience _____.”
- “I can’t imagine how you're feeling, but I know you’re good at explaining it.”
- “I do hope that you’ll be as excited in the future to try something new as you were about _____ for this summer.”
- “We’re going to work together to come up with fun things for you to do this summer.”
Teens and tweens need for information to be conveyed to them in an honest and frank manner. By allowing yourself to have a difficult conversation with your child, you are strengthening your relationship with them, as well as their ability to work through conflict and challenge.
The conversation should be collaborative, with your sharing the information and then following the lead of your teen. Teens may be interested in talking about the situation all at once or may need time to process and then revisit.
Remember that behavior is communication, and often you can tell how your teen is tolerating the information you are sharing by watching their behavior both during and after the conversation. It’s important to remember, too, that teens often need time and space in order to fully engage in a conversation after receiving difficult information.
At this age, peer relationships are also very important, and your teens may want to talk with their friends before they talk with you. You can help support their camp/program friendships – in the time they need them most – by suggesting they connect with their friends to talk about the situation.
Some statements that might be helpful are:
- “Hey, I see that you’re really sad right now. I know you may not want to talk about it, but I’m here for you when and if you do want to talk.”
- “I know you may want to talk with your friends first, but let me know if you want to chat with me about _____ later.”
Here are some things you might say to middle and high school-aged children:
- “I know how much you were looking forward to returning to _____. Are there things we can do at home that will be helpful to you during this time?” (Note: It may be helpful to ask your teen what their favorite camp/program activities are and ways in which these might be able to be recreated virtually.)
- “_____'s biggest concern is always your health and safety, and in this time, they're not able to provide that same safe environment they they would normally because of COVID-19.”
- “It is so normal to be upset and experience a lot of emotions around this news. I’m here to talk about it anytime you need.”
Self-Care Reminders for Parents & Guardians
Jesus Is Always with Us: Even to the end of the age, Jesus is always with us. It’s a great comfort to know nothing can separate us from His love. Especially when events are beyond our control, it’s wonderful to have a mighty God as our refuge and trust. Spending time with Jesus in prayer and in the Word, especially as a family, demonstrates His presence in our lives.
Allow Yourself to Feel: You too may have many feelings about Camp being canceled. Allow yourself to be angry, worried, sad, disappointed, or even relieved. Focus on giving yourself what you need to manage stress, rather than seeking to eliminate your feelings altogether.
Give Yourself Permission: Give yourself permission to unplug from the news, social media, and Zoom. You need time to refuel now more than ever. Also, give yourself permission to be imperfect. This is hard stuff and no one has a road map.
Stay in the Moment: Staying in the moment and resisting the temptation to solve all of the big picture problems will help you feel a sense of control. Remember, we are all in this together. You have others to turn to, to learn from, and whom you can also support.
Take Care of YOU: Take care of your needs so that you can take care of your child. Take deep breaths, take walks, and give yourself a break. Think about other coping skills you have used in the past and what has worked for you in challenging times.
Enjoy Creation: It’s refreshing to be in nature and appreciate the majesty of God’s creation. Take a moment to go for a nature walk or hike. Observe the magnificent design and beautiful color displayed for us to see in flowers, animals, and trees. Or, lay out under the stars at night and consider our place in the entire universe. The Creator who made all these things also made you. God provides and cares for the His creation—especially the people in it!
Be Patient: Be patient and compassionate with yourself. There is no way to be a perfect parent. Be kind to yourself, allowing your feelings, whatever they may be.
Be Mindful: Spiritual practices like praying and meditating on God’s Word can help you restore cognitive balance and help you focus on gratitude. Praying the Psalms is a great place to start.
Control What You Can: Stress can take a toll on your physical wellness. Help yourself manage this stressful situation by making sure you are eating well, sleeping enough, hydrating, and exercising. Taking good care of your body will help you adapt to stress and reduce the effect of emotions like anxiety or depression.
Ask for What You Need: Ask yourself: What do I need? Then ask others for what you need. Ask questions of the Camp leadership team to help you understand the decision so you can better explain it to your child and cope with it yourself.
It Will Get Better—Way Better! Our world is not a perfect place because it’s fallen and sinful. Remind your child that through Christ, God has a plan to make everything new. The cross and empty tomb remind us that Christ is a victorious King. On the day of His return, we will finally experience a new heaven and a new earth! What will it be like? There will be no more sickness or death, only a perfect paradise for God and His people to be together forever.
Reach Out: Process your feelings with other adults. Use your support networks to help support you in ways that work for you. If you are concerned about the duration, intensity, or frequency of your feelings, please reach out to a mental health professional in your area.
Special Note: Be mindful of what your child is overhearing. Your feelings are valid, but your child might be confused or upset if they overhear you. Children also might stifle their own emotional responses if they think it will upset their parents: for example, not crying about Camp in front of you, if they think it will upset you.
"Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." - Psalm 25:4-5
